Safer Sex Talk - [ Articles ]

I have had a number of questions from men pertaining to making sex last without ejaculating too soon. First of all, I must congratulate all of you on being sensitive to the needs and interests of your partners.  You aren't selfish pigs only aiming to get off, as some women's magazines indicate. OK, so here it is…the information you all have been waiting for! more

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A lot of fellows are writing in concern that they can't bring their partner to orgasm.  Well guys, read up and learn some tricks of the trade.

First, I must open by saying that your brain is the biggest sex organ.  If your brain isn't into what is happening to your body, the earth will not move.  This is true for both men and women.

The second rule for guys is to not put so much pressure on the women to have an orgasm.  If you brag about how you're going to make her scream and cum and she doesn't, instead of rocking her world you may pressure her into faking it so your ego won't be hurt.  And guys, women do fake it. more

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When it comes to lubrication, many people go for the good-old KY Jelly, Astroglide, or another water-based formula in hopes to get the least irritating and most natural feel. In actuality, MOST water-based lubes contain an ingredient called "glycerin", which is a form of sugar. Others contain and ingredient called Propylene Glycol, which is metabolized into lactic acid and can cause a burning feel. Introducing these ingredients into the vaginal region can cause yeast infections and/or irritation to some women. Glycerin can also cause the lube to feel sticky or tacky as the water evaporates.

To avoid these draw-backs, we recommend using a water-based lube that is glycerin free (such as System JO for Women, Maximus, Liquid Silk, Slippery Stuff Gel or Sliquid Swirl) or using a silicone-based lube...latex safe and hypoallergenic! Learn more...

Glycerin (also well known as glycerol and glycyl alcohol) is a colorless, odorless, hygroscopic, and sweet-tasting viscous liquid. Glycerol is a sugar alcohol. Glycerin can be dissolved into water or alcohol, but not oils. Glycerin is also highly "hygroscopic" which means that it absorbs water from the air. Diluted with water, however, it will soften your skin. Glycerol is used in medicines, skin care products, hair care products and soaps. It is also used in foods and beverages serving as a humectant, solvent and sweetener and is 60% as sweet as sucrose.

*Information found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycerol and http://www.pioneerthinking.com/glycerin.html

Propylene glycol is "generally recognized as safe" for use in food, cosmetics, and medicines as determined by the FDA. Propylene glycol affects the body's chemistry by increasing the amount of acid. Propylene glycol is metabolized into lactic acid, which occurs naturally as muscles are exercised.

Women who require the use of a estrogen cream may notice that brand name creams made with propylene glycol often create extreme, uncomfortable burning along the vulva and perianal area. Patients with vulvodynia and interstitial cystitis may be especially sensitive to propylene glycol. Women struggling with yeast infections may also notice that some OTC creams can cause intense burning.

*Information found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propylene_glycol

Spermicidal lubricants in bottle form are no longer available. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) released a study in August, 2000 suggesting that the use of spermicides (aka: nonoxynol-9 or N-9) can cause the skin to dry and crack. The cracked skin creates portals for HIV, diseases and infections to enter. As a precaution, the lubrication companies stopped manufacturing their products with nonoxynol-9.

You can still purchase condoms with the spermicidal lubricant but studies show condoms lubricated with spermicides are no more effective than other lubricated condoms when used properly.

Avoid the risk…don't use condoms lubricated with spermicide. In fact, there are grassroots efforts to discontinue these condoms. Visit: www.stopn9condoms.com

Some companies have voluntarily stopped using N-9, such as Durex and Mayer Labs (Kimono, FC Female Condom).

• Learn more about N-9 from Mayer Labs (PDF)

Editorial Note from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

Nonoxynol-9 Spermicide Contraception Use

"The 2002 STD treatment guidelines state that condoms lubricated with spermicides are no more effective than other lubricated condoms in protecting against the transmission of HIV infection and other STDs."

"In the future, purchase of condoms lubricated with N-9 is not recommended because of their increased cost, shorter shelf life, association with urinary tract infections in young women, and lack of apparent benefit compared with other lubricated condoms."

When is Spermicide recommended?

Spermicidal gel or foam is used in conjunction with diaphragms; only diaphragms COMBINED WITH the use of spermicide are approved as contraceptives.
Note: Diaphragms used with spermicide only prevent pregnancy…not STDs or STIs.

A great way to strengthen the pubococcygeus (PC muscles), which form the floor of the pelvis. These muscles play an important role in your level of arousal and climax, help with urination control and strengthen the vagina before and after childbirth. Of course, always consult your doctor when starting a new activity for your sweet spots.

The Focus Area:

• Find your PC muscles by stopping the flow of urine mid-stream. As you become experienced, you will be able to separate the control of these muscles from also squeezing the anal muscles.

The Gear for Women:

• Women can use a variety of specially designed weighted balls for their Kegel routine. These balls are inserted vaginally and held in place with contraction of the PC muscles.

The Routine:

• With and emptied bladder (and weighted balls in place for women), contract and relax the PC muscles in short intervals until the muscles tire. Do these exercises a few times a week, graduating to longer intervals. Also experiment with control of the muscles by alternating the type of contraction (I.E. long squeezes, quick compressions, etc.).

The Benefits for Women:

• Increase blood flow to the vaginal area, increase orgasm frequency and intensity, improve delivery during childbirth, strengthen the vaginal canal after childbirth and help control over urination and problems associated with aging, increase sexual confidence.

The Benefits for Men:

• Increase blood flow to the genitals, improve ejaculation control and help control over urination and problems associated with aging, increase sexual confidence.

Besides surgery (phalloplasty), pumps are the only scientifically proven method of increasing penis size. Simple, pleasurable and effective, pumps create a temporary enlargement of the penis by allowing more blood to fill the erectile tissue. Of course, always consult your doctor when starting a new activity for your sweet spots.

The Focus Area:

• Pumps provide temporary enlargement of the shaft of the penis in both length and girth.

The Gear:

• Pumps come in a variety of shapes and colors, but should have a few basic features for maximum effect and safety. A hand operated suction control and pressure release ensure the pressure isn't too intense and can be released quickly. The base of the cylinder should have a soft, rubber opening to ensure and air tight seal.

The Routine:

• Insert the shaft of the erect penis into the opening of the pump. Make sure the base of the cylinder is pressed firmly against the body. Use the hand-operated suction pump to remove air from the cylinder, creating a vacuum. Maintain suction until full erectile capacity is achieved. Be sure to relieve pressure if discomfort occurs! Repeat as desired, but not too much! Overuse could result in adverse side effects.

The Benefits:

• The volume of blood in the chambers of the erectile tissue is increased, thus, stretching the tissue. The tissue rebuilds itself creating a larger and stronger penis! Although the effect lasts for a period of hours to days, size and hardness is improved and is beneficial for men who are experiencing slight erectile malfunction.

A customer came into the store today inquiring about the safety of silicone-based lubricants.  He said that a book claimed that silicone-based lubes are unsafe.  We found the following article, which had a great explaination...

got lube?™ (part 2)
by Metis Black
Good Vibes Magazine 09/14/05

"Dimethicone, dimethiconal and cyclomenthicone are silicone liquids-combined together they become silicone lubricant. The primary difference between these three ingredients and all the water-based chemicals (such as glycerin, parabens, propylene glycol, sorbitol, etc.) is that all the silicone is basically inert. There are no topical body reactions to pure silicone lube. There are no irritations, no allergens and no microbes that can attach to the molecules and grow bacteria.

How can silicone be so safe when leaking silicone breast implants can be fatal? ...Theoretically, silicone breast implants should be safe because the silicone encapsulated in the breast form is inert, right? Even when leaking they shouldn't interfere with any chemistry. Here's what no one counted on… this loose silicone in your blood system, while inert, is still a foreign body. It isn't absorbed into your blood like saline. Your white blood cells recognize the silicone and try to fight this invader. If the silicone adheres to a bone; your white blood cells attack the bone. Silicone lube never hits your bloodstream. It's in your digestive tract and protected by skin no matter which orifice you put it in-even if you swallow a little.

The medical world uses the ingredients in silicone lube everyday. Silicone is used to coat hypodermic needles so that the needle slides easier into the skin, with less stress on the patient. Fertility clinics use silicone lube throughout the insemination process because it doesn't interfere with the sperm or the eggs and the uterus' health."

Metis Black ©2005
Metis Black is a writer, sex educator and owner of Tantus Silicone.

See our selection of silicone-based lubes

My girlfriend goes to an out-of-state college.  We were together all summer but now I never see her and rarely talk with her.  She’s always “busy” when I call.  Am I getting the blow off?
Jason, U of M freshman

Jason, life is new and exciting for both of you right now; so many things to explore and discover about life.  Your girlfriend may just need some time to settle into her new environment and find her routine.  If you are appearing needy and pressuring her, you may push her away.  My advice is to ask her straight out if she’s still comfortable continuing a committed relationship.  This may be difficult to answer.  If she does, set a phone date every day that works for both schedules to share stories, challenges and experiences so you don’t loose touch.  This way you can still support each other and make the distance seem smaller.  If she answers “no” and wants her space, you have to give it to her.  Don’t take it personally.  Remember it’s better to know instead of fretting your days away worrying about something out of your control.